Well-meaning lies that confine.
This is going to be a long one, but it will be well worth the read if you have an issue you are struggling with and you are looking for the key to let yourself out of a self- imposed prison you've created.
In part one of this series on liberating ourselves with truth, I shared about how I had imprisoned myself with little lies that kept me in a marriage for over 20 years.
I shared how it was turning those lies into truth, that finally liberated me.
Those well-meaning lies are probably the worst kind because they are not deliberate, so we don't really realize that we are lying to ourselves. We use them to protect ourselves, but actually, they are harming us.
The well-meaning lies that I told myself were that I had to stay - which was the first lie that required more lies to keep me confined. At the time, I believed that I needed to stay in an unhealthy relationship for these reasons:
a) to preserve the sanctity of marriage
b) because I was still in love
c) to protect my children
d) because I didn’t know how I could keep a roof over our head on one income
When I am really honest with myself at the deepest level, here is the truth::
a) I got married not because I was enamored by the sanctity of marriage. I have always been 'baby crazy' and have a strong biological drive to 'mother'. I simply wanted a 'proper' socially sanctioned 'container' for that. At the time, the decision to get married was a very practical consideration, not a romantic one.
b) My ex-husband and I had chemistry, but we did not share much in the way of interests, values and standards.
c) Staying in an unhealthy relationship does not protect children, it 'wires' them up for having unhealthy relationships themselves. I realized I needed to model #1 how to get out of an unhealthy relationship and #2 how to be in a healthy relationship
d) just because I didn't know how I would provide for 3 people on 1 income, didn't mean that I couldn't - it just meant I didn't know how yet. There is always a way, although it will probably not be instantaneous or comfortable - 'staying' is a kind of uncomfortable, comfortable - it's aligning to the devil you know, instead of having faith in the creator to provide the resources and opportunities you need - when you need them.
Fast forward to now, I've just had another break-through (without having to have a breakdown!) on account of dispelling a well-meaning lie that kept me feeling confined.
This time it was with my business.
The truth was just sitting there all the time around me - almost like it was sitting on a shelf in the ethers - I could feel it 'out there' but I couldn't integrate it.
I didn't want it to be the truth. So I've tried to ignore it for the last decade. I thought that if it was true, then it meant that I couldn't do the work I was called to do.
That was confusing because nutrition is my passion.
Are you ready for the truth?
Here it is....
I don't love nutrition consulting.
At least not in the conventional sense.
It was so hard to admit that to myself because I didn't see how I could help people transform their health challenges into catalysts for life transformation - without working directly with them 1 on 1.
It's strange to look back at this belief now because while I transformed my life out of a health crisis many years ago, I didn't do so with the guidance of a coach/consultant. I did it by educating myself with the guidance of teachers and authors. I took my health into my own hands and didn't look for someone to tell me what to do or hold my hand through it. I researched like my life depended on it and implemented massive changes in my diet and lifestyle immediately - because I literally thought I was dying (sickness is another way that life will force you to transform. If you don't choose to embrace taking responsibility for your health now and clear your traumas and the negative emotions that linger in the aftermath of them - sickness will become your path of awakening. But you don't have to wait for that to happen. You can awaken into health consciousness now and not have to let it get so bad that you have to get sick to force yourself to finally prioritize taking care of your body.
Back to the business breakthrough....
Here are the little well-meaning lies I told myself that kept me promoting coaching packages and e-courses despite being drained by them.
a) I am a nutritionist, I have to consult, that is what I was trained for
b) coaching/consulting is what people want and need, so that's what I have to spend my days doing
c) I was heavily invested in it. I spent well over $60,000 over the last 12 years traveling to learn coaching business models from marketing and business trainers/mentors - from becoming a certified business coach myself - to learning internet marketing launching strategies for e-courses. That already huge dollar amount doesn't even include the time spent or money I invested in nutrition certification courses such as the Edison Institute of Nutrition, The Canadian School of Natural Nutrition and my GAPS certified practitioner training.
Choosing not to focus my efforts on private coaching and e-course launches kind of feels like throwing all that money and time out the window!
But the truth is a small boutique virtual coaching business is not for me. My vision for what I am creating with the Delish Diet is way bigger than that.
I LOVE studying nutrition science, educating, inspiring and coaching people to breakthroughs, but I don't want to do a lot of 1 on 1 coaching. It takes up too much of my time and interrupts my progress with the large projects that inspire me the most (I will be telling you about those in part 3).
Here are a few more truths that I am no longer suppressing and that liberated me to create on a whole new foundation...
a) I don't like consulting because I don't like repeating elementary concepts over and over again (I get bored).
b) I don't like seeing a lot of appointments on my schedule - I have always been wired to prefer working 'on the business, not in it'.
c) I dread pre-recording videos for my e-courses (I much prefer to have a live audience or class)
d) Deadlines drain me, so even though the techy side of me geeks out on it, implementing 'product launches' for e-courses totally burns me out (and I always end up half-assing them or pushing dates back on account of running out of time).
e) The e-course business model totally isn't for me - even though it is more time and effort, I much prefer to teach live classes and connect with my people in the process, rather than pre-record the videos (there was a time when I liked that, but now I much prefer the energy of a live audience)
f) I prefer to go to my clients homes and get in the kitchen with them, rather than talk endlessly about what they should be doing or need to do next over zoom
I wanted to like virtual nutritional coaching and runnning e-courses etc. but a decade later, I still don't love it. While I like 'having' done the sessions after the fact, I rarely look forward to doing them because they interrupt my creative flow.
So now that I've told myself the truth, new truths have come into the light that I couldn't see before shrouded behind the lies I was telling myself (more on that in part 3).
What I look forward to doing the most in my days is writing, doing Facebook live-streams, creating learning materials, teaching and group coaching.
What I notice is that when I am focused on creating for 'the many', my energy expands. I feel inspired. When I focus down on working 1 to 1 with people, I feel contained and chained to my desk.
Every feeling we have has a message. They are not to be ignored or suppressed. They are to be listened to. I kept making my feelings wrong. Telling myself that there was something wrong with me that I didn't want to run my business that way and I relentlessly tried to force myself to do it.
I am listening now.
The truth is that I am a writer first, teacher second and a coach third.
That means I want to get up in the morning, work on writing a book or article or a hand- out and then offer a talk or teach a class to share what I have created in service to my audience or class - after that I want to coach.
I need a lot of uninterrupted time in my schedule to do these things. Which is why I have always limited my practice to 6 private coaching clients at any one time.
That is what stumped me so much. I absolutely love coaching people to breakthroughs, but I just don't want to sit in front of zoom all day to do it 1 person at a time.
After admitting this all to myself, I realized I finally needed to implement a group coaching model - it's the perfect blend of teaching and coaching while leaving me plenty of time to create more content to help people learn better and implement better.
I believe that the knowledge must come first and coaching second, because like Dr. Joe Dispenza say, "knowledge is the precursor to experience'".
The biggest struggle that I am having with my private clients and my e-course students is that as much as they would like to and intend to, they simply don't get around to watching the trainings.
I've got some people enrolled in my e-courses, who have never even opened them and others who haven't gotten very far with them at all (yes, people I can see what you are doing (and not doing) on the back end)!!!
Honestly, it is not really about all the time I've spent crafting these courses that saddens me about them sitting there unused, but it's mostly that the answers to people's weight woes are right there at their fingertips and yet they continue to suffer, simply because it is a chore to sit in front of the computer and learn all by your lonesome (unless you are a DIY'er, in that case you'll love the Delish e-courses)!
The biggest issue that hosting a live group coaching program solves for people is having a date, time and place to show up to learn with live interaction, community and other people to learn from. You would be amazed at the things you learn from other people's questions that you wouldn't have even thought to ask!
So how about you? What truths can you tell yourself that leads to other liberating truths? Once the lies of limitations are dismantled and the truth is told, more truths will be revealed to you!
Remember, the truth sets you free because it is literally the key to liberating yourself from your self imposed prison.
When you do this lie exposing - truth-telling work - a new opportunity will be revealed to you.
This new opportunity was always there, but it was in the shadows of your well-meaning, yet misguided lies.
With the light of shining truth, you'll see the answer!
In part 3 I am going to share with you the 3 biggest lies that underlie all the other lies.
In part 4 I've got one more big lie to share with you that I'd been telling myself that kept me shrinking, feeling small and playing small.