The biggest 3 lies of all.
This is part 3 of a series of articles on telling ourselves the truth. Another long one. Perfect if you can't figure out why you try to force yourself to do things you don't want to do.
In part one, I shared how to break down the bars of your own personal prison by identifying the little and not so little lies we tell ourselves - ones that keep us caged inside our problems.
In part two I shared how you can avoid the chaos of having to bomb the prison down, and instead pick up the key of truth, open the door and just walk out already! No muss, no fuss.....no need to burn the place to the ground!
Now in part 3, I am going to share with you the three biggest lies that keep all the others ones in place...
1) I am not ready yet (fear)
2) I still have to...... (perfectionism/protection)
3) I should....(wanting to avoid disapproval or to gain approval)
When it came to my marriage it was things like I am "not ready yet" to be a single mom, to spend time and energy dealing with divorce-related stuff like authority figures, money on lawyers and paperwork and not ready to imagine myself being intimate with someone else. I should make 'this' relationship work, keep 'trying' and never give up. I told myself things like "I still have to" heal my every issue and trauma before entering into a new relationship and be financially free so that I never feel like I have to stay for the wrong reasons ever again.
It's a lie, I didn't need to do any of that. We're always as ready as we'll ever be for the things that will never be fun to do.
We are also always as ready as we need to be for the things we really want to.
Years ago, in 2007 to be exact, while sitting in class at the Vancouver branch of The Canadian School of Natural Nutrition, I kept seeing in my mind's eye that one day I would take all the intellectual knowledge that I was learning and distill it into systems, lessons and hand-outs for clients. I thought, "wouldn't it be amazing if I could then bundle it up into coaching systems for other nutritionists so that they too didn't have to reinvent the wheel with each client and have all the resources they needed at their fingertips"?
My brain LOVES to do that. My idea of a good time is studying complex subjects, distilling them down into simple frameworks and then making those complex topics easy to understand.
But I told myself, I am not ready yet - first I have to be in private practice for like at least a decade. OK, check, we are more than a decade later, but I never actually manifested that one, because I told myself I still have to "perfect" everything I have created - and I should also have all my ducks in a row before I start. Oh geez, like that is ever going to happen!
I waited so long on that one, that it eventually burnt me out and I completely lost interest in it. If I hadn't told myself, "I am not ready yet" and "I still have to" or "I should" I could have helped a lot of holistic nutritionists and health coaches over the past 12 years feel more organized, confident and fully resourced with my 'done for you' materials.
If I would have just given myself permission to focus on what I do best, they could have focused on what they do best - coach and consult - without having to worry about constantly having to research and create hand-outs for their clients.
I had been super passionate about all this and spent at least two years creating a system to help nutritionists get their clients off the SAD (standard north american diet) onto a natural whole foods one. But since I supposedly "wasn't ready yet" and "I still had to...blah, blah, blah" and "I really should....blah, blah, blah...." it just sat there unused by anyone but me, until I finally just gave it to my clients as BONUS in another program I offer called the Nourished Nutrition Business program.
The Nourished Nutrition Business program is one where I guide nutritionists to create their own signature system for their unique niche. They can use my content under their own brand name while simultaneously creating their own content. (BTW - This content is also available for those of you joining us in the Delish Diet Certification Program as well).
How about you? How is " I am not ready yet", "I still have to" and "I should" holding you back?
'I am not ready yet', 'I still have to' and 'I should' get us mired down in details that distract.
The details are not your business. They are the Creator's business.
Essentially they are distracting you from what you are really supposed to be focusing on - which is the end goal or vision.
When we tell ourselves 'I am not ready yet', 'I still have to' or 'I should' - that's a sure sign that we are caught up in trying to figure out 'the how'.
The 'how' is God's job - not yours.
Your job is the what - as in what do you really want? Not as in what do you think you can have based on your prior personal experience.
What kind of relationship do you really want? What level of health do you really want? Want kind of business do you really want? What kind of lifestyle do you really want to live?
What if you just said 'yes' to the next step right in front of you - without worrying about what the next step after that will be? What if you just stayed In positive expectation that the doors that need to be opened will be opened - when you need them and not in advance (trusting in that is faith in action)!
You are ready now because the desire is within you now.
You don't have to do anything but decide and commit to the bigger vision of what you really want and stay focused on it - instead of focusing on your never-ending to-do list.
All your have to's and should's are actually all the draining things you don't want to do. They don't light you up and they are actually slowing you down, taking you off your path and getting in God's way.
We make it harder than it needs to be.
It's actually a lot harder to reach goals that seem reasonable, that you think you "should" do, but don't want to do - than it is - to reach goals that seem just beyond your reach - but that totally light you up and you want to do!
You see your so-called realistic goals are made up of draining tasks for you to accomplish, while your big goal - the one closest to your heart is an adventure because you don't have any idea how it will unfold - you only have the next step in front of you to go on...how's that for killing your to-do list!?
This also relates back to how I was putting off doing a group coaching program and my vision of a bigger Delish Diet community because supposedly I wasn't ready yet. I had been telling myself that I still had to focus on private coaching and I should use all those marketing skills I have for launching online programs - because I spent so much money learning how!
All that was hard.
It is hard enough to go to a job that you don't like, nevermind creating a job for yourself that you don't like as an entrepreneur - especially since you don't get the weekends and evenings off - work is always on your mind!
By the way Nourished Nutrition Business peeps, my next live-stream series is going to be walking you through how I am developing this new group coaching model for nutrition professionals - so that you can learn from my experience and implement the model in your own business - with less kinks to iron out!!
I have a feeling that it is going to be just the thing you need, if like me, you identify more as a teacher than as a coach.
And now for the take - away.....
Stop and think about your goals. Are you mired down in trying to figure out all the details or are you thinking from the end, with the end in mind?
Don't do the thing you think you can, skip a grade and do the thing you dream!!
Now that you are out of prison and you've seen the truth - what do you REALLY want?
Is there something you haven't been giving yourself permission to go for?
Or have you put it far off into the future for 'someday'.
What if you gave yourself permission to go for it now?! No need to know 'the how' of it. Just decide. Say yes to it and let the universe reveal the next step!
In part 4, I will share with you my big end goal with the Delish Diet and how I almost put the certified practitioner program at least 3 years into the future!!