The highest truth you've been ashamed to share.
This is part 4 of a series of articles on telling ourselves the truth. Another long one. This article is the perfect read for you if you can't figure out why you don't let yourself do the things you want to.
In part one, I shared how to break down the bars of your own personal prison by identifying the little and not so little lies we tell ourselves - ones that keep us caged inside our problems.
In part two I shared how you can avoid the chaos of having to bomb the prison down, and instead pick up the key of truth, open the door and just walk out already! No muss, no fuss.....no need to burn the place to the ground!
In part 3, I shared the three biggest lies that keep all the other ones in place and why it is a drain to go for goals for when we think we know the steps to get there (those kinds of goals give birth to long never-ending to-do lists, but rarely the outcomes we want)!
Here in part 4 (the final part), I am going to share with you why you shouldn't be focused on your to-do list.
What you should really be doing is creating your life from your highest vision.
When you create from there, what you'll notice is that your to-do list is full of unnecessary and exhausting things to do, that don't actually give you satisfaction (other than being able to 'checkmark' the box - you organizers out there know what I mean!).
All these things that you tell yourself that you 'have to do' also don't directly lead to results or success in the areas you are working on in your life. If they did, you'd wouldn't still be where you are with them.
You are keeping yourself and your vision small because it feels safe and you are ashamed to admit who you know you really are and what you really capable of.
Remember these from the last article? They are the 3 biggest lies we tell ourselves that stop us from being successful in the areas that mean the most to us:
1) I am not ready yet (fear)
2) I still have to...... (perfectionism/protection)
3) I should....(wanting to avoid disapproval or to gain approval)
Get out a pen and paper and finish the above sentences.
Notice that number one "I am not ready yet" is fear of failure (you are seeing yourself as small, unresourceful and incapable) and the other two are all about what other people will think.
"I still have" to is about thinking that if you don't get it right or perfect on the first try that it means you've failed....you want to protect yourself from being seen failing (notice that we are not actually inherently afraid of failure, we are afraid of what others will think of us if we fail).
The third one is holding yourself back or forcing yourself to do things you don't really want to do, so that you seem reasonable and responsible to others (to gain their approval).
I suggest taking a moment and identifying who in your life would also project those same thoughts and limitations that you tell yourself onto you (in other words who would agree with your playing small?).
Whoever that is, realize that you have given that person or institution authority over your life (scary thought to imagine that you've been letting someone else's thoughts and limitations drive your direction and choices?). We all have the tendency to do this in certain areas of our life because we have been programmed to seek approval and to avoid disapproval so that we have safety within a tribe.
It is funny actually how many of our limitations stem from trying not to 'rock the boat' or upset the people around us (real or imagined).
Instead of assuming our power to create, daring to dream and going for what we really want in life, we operate from limiting beliefs that shrink us.
We end up acting from an identity that is not really us.
You are not really acting from who you are, you act from who they told you, you are.
And that is why you are ashamed to admit your highest truth - because you've been living a lie, pretending that you are less than you are.
You shrink yourself so that "they" don't feel threatened by you, 'scoff' at or make fun of you.
And sometimes you think to yourself "who am I to think that I am so special that I can be, do, have or give back to that level"?
Your secret dream lives in the shadows because of shame.
We usually think of shame as something we feel when we have done something that we are not proud of.
But on the other side of the coin, we also feel shame pronouncing what we are proud of too.
That's because in the words of Lester Levenson "pride is a hide".
Pride keeps us in the place where we are focused on our small selves, instead elevating our self-concept to a version of ourselves who can actually do the things we dream.... our small self does this by constantly pressing the brakes on your dreams and visions.
The next-level version of yourself is actually who you are now....you just need to get yourself out of the way.
You are currently shrinking yourself to stay safe inside the cage bars that you've created out of little the little white lies you've been telling yourself because you think they protect you. They don't. From that place you feel small incapable and unresourceful and that is why you create small goals - because you think you can stairstep your way to feeling better about yourself - but you are actually just spinning in circles.
You need to stop now and admit the highest truth of who you know you are, what you know you are here to create and step into those shoes immediately - and start acting as that person - NOW.
No more playing small pretending that you want to bother with all the in-between steps you've created for yourself.
You must focus your attention on the big thing. The small things will never work because you have to shrink yourself to force yourself to do them. And that small shrunken version of yourself is incapable of accomplishing much (because of who you have to be to play small). It's a dead end.
You must assume that you are now the person who is capable, because YOU decide when you are.
The big dream that will actually work for you, will have you jumping out of bed excited in the morning to go for it. The small goals that you know you can do with a lot of hard work have you dreading your day.
That was literally me 3 weeks ago.
Dreading to get up to my never-ending to-do list that felt like I was never getting progress on (because I just kept adding to it)! There was no room for synchronicities or miracles and no one could help - because hey, I had it all figured out - "I still had to" keep focused on my private practice (which didn't light me up),"I should" after all that is what people want. It's what II was trained for....and I "wasn't ready yet" to do what I really wanted to do which is train and certify, but I told myself I don't have the time because I was so busy doing things I didn't want to do!!! Do you see how rediculous this is?!
I could never have been satisfied or successful (on my terms) at running a small boutique coaching business because I had to shrink myself to do it.
Settling for something less than you were born for is a lose-lose situation.
You have to go for the goal that grows you. The one that is in alignment with your nature and your truth.
Dreams that are too small are just as uncomfortable as getting outside your comfort zone for the big goals - so you might as well just go for the big thing.
So how about you?Iif YOU cut out the small incremental goals that you think you have to accomplish on the way to the big one, what would you be stopping doing right now to free up time to focus on the big one?
Once I was able to stop lying to myself that I wanted to focus on private coaching, I was also able to simultaneously tell myself the truth about myself.
And now I am telling you.
The truth is that all the things about myself that I thought were limiting me (I made myself wrong for them) are actually my greatest gifts.
When I stopped pretending that I wanted a small coaching business working 1 to 1 with people and admitted to myself that I wanted to create an empire, I immediately felt capable of that because that is what I was designed for.
Have you ever thought that your limited success in any one area could be because it isn't actually for you?
All the traits that stand in my way of running a small boutique weight loss coaching business are the ones that actually make me capable and well suited to creating an empire.
It's about the things I prefer to spend my time doing...
1) I prefer to spend long hours alone writing than talking to people all day (I am halfway through writing the Delish Diet book!)
2) I prefer to do the work/travel thing, than stay at home in one city (I am publishing that book, taking it on the road and doing a speaking tour)
2) I prefer to teach and coach in a group environment (this is why I birthed the certification and the group coaching program)
3) I prefer to work at coffee shops than at home (so I am creating one - more on that below!)
5) I prefer to work on my business than in it (I love to tinker with and improve things constantly)
6) I prefer to vision, organize and plan (I love meetings)
So instead of putting the Delish Diet empire somewhere way off in the far future, it is happening now. This business is not about me, it's about the vision - helping people lose weight by first getting them healthy and providing every resource possible to help them do that and eliminating every obstacle in the way.
My sole focus now is teaching others so that I have a team. I am looking for people who identify as either coaches, consultants or teachers who want to help me build this thing - because our clients need community!
There will be virtual franchises for having your own Delish Diet consulting practice or as an alternative you can be licensed to use Delish Diet materials under your own brand or label (so you can put yourself out there as you, but you don't have to reinvent the wheel behind the scenes to properly educate and serve your clients).
I am also looking for foodies, people who want to develop food products, food preparation services, stores, cafes and restaurants to provide natural whole foods that meet the Delish Diet standards (think Delish approved labels).
I also plan to open two Delish Diet sister businesses that will need managers, teachers, coaches and consultants. The first being Delish Un-Diet School (TM) Education Centres (that liberate people from the dieting mentality) and Delish Diet Dessert cafes (wouldn't it be amazing to go to a cafe and have all the yummy treats without all the gross-ass sugar?!). These may also become franchises.
Ok, so there you have it!
This is the dream that gets me excited to get out of bed in the morning because I am not meant to do less than that!
And you? What are you not meant to do less than?
Want to be part of this vision, 'hit' reply and tell me how you want to help or collaborate!
p.s. If you love the Delish Diet approach, but none of the above is for you, but you love the vision and want to help spread the word, click here to learn about the affiliate program (I'd rather pay you than corporations like Facebook or Google Adwords)! It is as easy as sharing an article or recipe you love when you feel inspired too (no need to be 'salesy')!